Write: letting it all out

I think, before this I've never really felt the need to talk about what I'm feeling. In other words, I've never really acknowledged the fact that I have anxiety (mild, if you were wondering). However now, I feel it is important to accept that feeling and not just settle with it, I have to learn how to work around it and get better.

I get anxious often, basically during my hours in the day, I get anxious about 10-15 times? Maybe half of that are eustresses but most of them are quite worrying. I try to reason with myself every time that happens. I think about the root of what is causing it and try to work around it. I try to breathe at a calculated pace. I try to find a quieter place if I'm outside in public and really listen to what my breathing sounds like. And if everything fails, I do the selawat. I make zikr to Allah swt to help me, make it easier for me, Ya Allah. Help me because I can't do it myself sometimes.

I hope to anyone who's reading this that if you're going through the same things that I am, seriously, talk to someone about it. Let it out. If not, talk to Allah. He is the Most Merciful. I pray that Allah eases your burdens, and mine too. Ameen.

Poetry: (me)

He came
He swam
He drowned
He loved

- the raging ocean (me)

Write: renewed, and loved

Hello, I'm back. And this time I feel renewed. And loved, alhamdulillah. All praises be to Allah. It's been a month since I've written a post and trust me, it has a been a great month. Not saying it was all blue skies and blooming flowers, it has been one of the better months.

I finally graduated from a Diploma study Alhamdulillah. That is one thing off my list, but of course there are other things to think about. A job, sigh. This has been ongoing for so long I'm just waiting for a miracle to happen. But I'll leave it all to Him.

Ah, so much has changed. I think I have been feeling a lot more positive these days. It's got a lot to do with the company that I have around me. A social support system is so much more important than you might think. I used to say things like "I don't need anyone around me" but the truth is, I do. But not just anyone. It's the ones that bring me up, that holds my head up high but at the same time, keeping me grounded. They love me for who I am and I am so blessed to have those people around me. I pray that they are all safe in Allah's hands. Ameen.

I can say that I am progressing, trying to be strong mentally and physically as well. I hope this can bring hope to other people too. Pain is temporary, you will get over it, my love.

Till next time.

Poetry: river of fire

Let's see how long it'll last
This effort of yours
Will it fade
Through time
Will you still cross the river of fire
For me
Or was it just words 
The purpose was to only
Catch me in bait
And letting go 
When the feeling goes away 

(Is love just 
a feeling
to you?)

Write: the shoe

I don't know why but I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to say "Atikah, I think we shouldn't continue this." Probably because we are incompatible, or we are just not on the same page. Maybe he won't give a reason at all, just leaving me hanging. Like I am right now. I am hanging, waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

But then he says, "Atikah, you're so important to me" and I feel so happy. Happier than I've ever been this whole entire year put together. And I want it to stay this way. Please. I think I deserve that at least. And more. So much more.